Yesterday was a disappointing day for me. I found out that the job I had been hoping for had been given to someone else.

It's a long story but let's just say that my high hopes of finally settling in and getting comfortable came crashing down. Despite all my tears of disappointment, God gave me the grace to realize the beauty of it all. 

I was at CityGroup (that's what we call our small groups at church), watching my friend Allen shove lil' Nathaniel's head over and over again so that he went crashing into the giant teddy bear on the ground. Each time, Nathaniel would pop right back up for more, even though Allen was shoving him pretty hard. It made me realize that my Heavenly Papa didn't shove me down to harm me. Just like Nathaniel was having the time of his life, there's joy to be found even in the midst of seemingly disappointing things... things that knock us down. 

I've been asking God to lead me to the right thing... to show me the way I should go. Sometimes it takes me a little while to recognize that He's giving me exactly what I asked for! I'm still pretty clueless about what direction to head in but we're getting closer.

Pray for me as I continue on in this journey. For wisdom and discernment and perseverance as I try to figure out what's next. Pray for me, that the lure of the comfortable will not stop me from seeking out the grand adventure that God has in store!

Thank you. :)

P.S. Allen, if you read this, I hope you don't mind that I shared that story! SO grateful for you!

I've lost count of how long it's been since my Race ended. It probably hasn't been that long but it feels like a lifetime ago. Even after all these weeks of sleeping in as much as I want, eating whatever I want whenever I want to, watching as many tv shows and movies as I want, I find myself tired... restless.

Somehow, I continue this cycle day after day thinking, if only I sleep in tomorrow morning, if only I take a nap in the afternoon, if only I don't do anything and just watch tv, then I'll feel rested. I'll have more energy to actually go do something with my life.

I've been hearing a lot of people quote Einstein lately. The famous saying goes something like this: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result."

As I write this, it occurs to me... My current ailment isn't exhaustion -- it's insanity.

Flashback:

At the end of month 6, my whole team was exhausted. We had spent day after day traveling to village after village, church after church in Mozambique to visit the local believers and bring a word of encouragement to them. Almost always, we went unprepared, not know what to say to them but trusting that God would speak through us when the time came. And He did. When it came time for us to speak, one of us would get up and deliver a message... something that we felt God put on our hearts to share with the people gathered before us.

It's exhilarating to look back on that month and witness God's faithfulness. And even more simply to recognize God's grace that He would give these 7 young (and pretty clueless) Americans His words to share with His precious children in rural Africa.

I couldn't bear the thought of us going all that way, only to find that none of us had anything to say to those people. After all, we fully believed that God had His purpose in sending us there. So each time we headed to another church, sat through another round of introductions and songs we couldn't understand, I would plead with God to speak to us, to give us a word for the people before us, to speak through us. And then I would wait and listen, desperate for the little nudging from the Spirit that was starting to become familiar. After a month of this non-stop intent listening, I was worn out. By the time we left our ministry site, I was taking a timeout from praying, from reading my Bible, from God in general. I needed a break. Or so I thought.

As we moved on to the next country and we started another month of ministry, I started reflecting on the month before. Why did doing God's work tire me out so much? Why did I feel like I had to get away from God in order to find rest? Doesn't the Bible talk about God being the source of true rest? Doesn't it say that God gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak? Why then did I see Him as the One who was causing me to grow weary instead of the one who would renew my strength?

Back to the present:

After getting done with the Race, I was feeling the same way. I needed a break. I'm taking a timeout.

Once again, these questions come to mind. Only this time, it's taken me a month and a half to get to this point (I just did the math).

I guess it's like trying to get back in shape. Even though I know it'd be good for me to get those 30 minutes of exercise, my willpower poops out after 5 minutes of huffing and puffing. As a result, those muscles never get a chance to get any stronger. (And the pudge remains.)

But maybe God does give strength to the weary. The promise doesn't include being protected from weariness. It just says that when you do grow weary, God gives you strength. Just like muscles that get stronger after being pushed beyond its limits. I couldn't really tell you from experience. My faith has been pushed to its limits this past year but not much further. I've let myself poop out and quit the moment I've had a chance to - at the end of that month in Mozambique, at the end of the Race.

It sure doesn't make sense to me right now... pushing on to run the race when you're feeling tired. But if insanity is doing the same thing expecting different results, then it seems like the only sane choice would be to do what doesn't make sense.

"Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you." (Ephesians 5:14b)

Papa, grant me a willing spirit to sustain me.

(I was going to post this song to share with you anyway, The Anthem by Jake Hamilton, but crazy of crazies.. this video was actually recorded in Mozambique!)

If I have seen a little further it is by standing on the shoulders of Giants.
(Sir Isaac Newton)

This year has been filled with the unexpected.

One of the things I didn't expect was that people I knew back home would die. These three individuals have blessed me immensely and I thank God that He placed them in my life. They have been some of the giants who have allowed me to see a little further.

Aunt Lori showed me what a precious thing it is to belong to Jesus. She was the one who helped me see that I don't need to know what I'm going to be when I grow up; I just need to walk with Jesus today.

Doris Goodman was a lady at my mom and dad's church in South Bend, Indiana. I often heard about the dinners she would host in her little house and the hospitality and blessed fellowship people would experience there. In fact, the last time my mom and dad got to see her was for dinner at her home the night before she passed away.

But the biggest thing that I learned from Grandpa was to enjoy the present. Grandpa always said, "Don't get old!" He showed me that instead of wishing away my current circumstances, I should squeeze all I can out of each day before it's too late and all that's left are regrets.

 

 

I'm blessed that I get to have these giants not only to learn from but now they're a part of the great cloud of witnesses (Hebrews 12:1) cheering me on as I continue to live this life that God has given me.

Annie, Erin and I got to spend a couple fun-filled days at the farm. Pastor Merv took us out to Maranatha Farms to help Aaron put in a stretch of fencing at the end of their property so that the cattle can roam freely without getting lost in the national park right next door.

By the end of our second day of slamming pickets in the hot sun,

and after tons of water breaks,

we had helped to put in over a kilometer of barbed wire fencing!

While we were there we went out to the fields to feed the cattle (they get a molasses mixture that makes their tummies itch so that they'll eat the dry grass in the dry season)

and I got to help Pastor Merv feed the little piggies...

It was cool to see them eat all the veggies we had spent bunches of time sorting back at the center.

There were a few sows that had free reign of the place and we often found Tinky in the hallway between the kitchen and our bedroom.

Pigs really do eat anything - even bacon-flavored chips!

My favorite character on the farm was Bull. You usually found him right where you wanted to go. He liked hanging out wherever there was food. Unfortunately, he's jumped/broken way too many fences in his day and he might end up in the cold room soon if he doesn't stop.

When our work day was over, we got to enjoy some local activities. I got a ride on the back of Pastor Merv's bike (three-wheeler)

and in the late afternoon, Pastor Merv and Aaron took us out to Hardies Creek in the national park to try to spot some crocs.

They must have heard that we were coming. We didn't see anything until we were on our way out the second evening. We saw a pair of eyes sticking out above the water for a couple seconds before they disappeared again. Even though we were a little disappointed not to see more of them, we enjoyed the sunset over the beautiful billabong!

And our time wouldn't be complete without heaps of wallabies and kangaroos! 

The Maranatha Farm is a part of Christian Outreach Center's (COC) ministry. Like the hostel and the furniture store owned and runned by COC, any income generated at the farm goes to support the work of missionaries all over the world, spreading the good news that Jesus told us to go tell the nations.  

Hello to yous from the Top End of the Land Downunder! We're enjoying our time in Australia so far, despite the heat. The girls of Team Waka and Team Tandem are serving together at the Christian Outreach Center (COC) in Darwin while all the guys of our squad are off doing manly things together as they serve with another ministry in the area.

COC is a hostel where a lot of aboriginal people come to stay when they're in town for medical appointments and visits to the hospital. (I've never seen people with skin this dark before!) Many of the regular staff at COC are on vacation these next couple weeks so we've been helping to fill in the gaps with housekeeping, grounds work and stuff in the office and kitchen. Most days I've been changing sheets and getting rid of cobwebs as I clean rooms with an awesome Chinese lady named Rainbow. Ants and spiders don't faze me anymore - no matter how big they are! (I suppose it actually started last month when we ate that tarantula.)

Doing battle with spiders and dirt all day has given me lots of time to think. This past week, God has been teaching me how important it is to dwell on things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy - like Philippians 4:8 tells us to - especially in relation to my thoughts about other people. It's made me a lot more aware of all the thoughts I think about others that are judgmental or simply untrue.

One of the verses that our team is memorizing this week has been popping into my head almost every day as I encounter these thoughts. It's Romans 12, verse 9, which says, "Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil, cling to what is good." I always used to think that hating what is evil meant avoiding people who might lead you astray but I'm starting to see that it points to something deeper.

We've heard several comments about aboriginal people since we've gotten here. Most of them being pretty negative, I was a little nervous about interacting with then. Now that I've gotten to be around aboriginal people for a couple weeks and have discovered how awesome they are, I'm reminded once again of how negative stereotypes really don't do anyone any good.

The thoughts that we have about people have a lot of influence over our behavior towards them. Be they strangers, teammates, friends or family, negative thoughts about others have a way of putting a wedge in your relationship with them.

Forgive the corny analogy but, it's about cleaning house in your mind. Hating what is evil in your thoughts towards others, you get rid of the dirt and junk: those negative thoughts that only bring division. And when you cling to what is good in your thoughts towards others, choosing to think about the things that are true and noble and lovely and all that, you're making room for things like love and grace and forgiveness.

Like every other month, I'm finding that it all boils down to love. 1 Corinthians 13 says that love always protects. So here's the question of the day: Are we protecting our relationships from thoughts that might harm them? 

Before we leave, I wanted to share some of the fun things that have been a part of our new normal this month...

Feel like wearing your PJs all day? You'll fit right in here! Pajamas are normal daytime attire. You'll commonly find women dressed in matching PJ combinations, complete with brightly colored cartoon print in public areas like markets.

The lights may go out at any moment. There is a schedule of when the electricity will be on but it's more of a rough guideline... Playing mafia by candlelight is way more fun anyway!

Air conditioning: non-existent. Perspiration: always. Do not fear; the daily afternoon rains will help cool things down and ensure the survival of those lovely mosquitos that you will soon help to feed.

And yes, that is mold growing on your fleece jacket... and your pack... and your sleeping bag.

Need a little additional relief from the hot weather? An icy cool treat is just a bicycle ride away. Enjoy a bag of Cambodian iced coffee, yours for a mere 50 cents. Throw in another 50 cents for a beautifully cut pineapple to snack on.

No headlights? No worries. Just use a flashlight. If possible, bring a small child with you to hold the flashlight while you drive your tuk-tuk or ox cart.

Tickle wars are an everyday occurrence. Be prepared to retaliate when the little ones strike. Hope you don't mind getting poked!

If you're out on a bike ride through the village, you might get slowed down a little by the cows blocking the road. Just wait a few minutes and these incredibly intelligent creatures will move aside for you to pass. Watch out for the cow pies as you go!

Please don't laugh when I ask if I can flush the toilet paper or if I need to throw it in the bin. It's a legit question. I just want to make sure I don't clog up the sewer system.

Long bus ride up ahead? Well, you've got some great entertainment to look forward to! From TV dramas to really weirdly random movies to the great Cambodian karaoke music videos, your bus ride is sure to be rockin'!

There's so much more I could say about this beautiful country but maybe you'll just have to come experience it for yourself!

Confession: I didn't know very much about Cambodia before coming here. I could point it out to you on the world map. Maybe. But I couldn't tell you anything about it.

Our first couple weeks here were extremely educational, to say the least. In 1975, a group called the Khmer Rouge took over the country, ending a civil war that had gone on for years. Everyone rejoiced, thinking that there would now be peace in Cambodia. Little did they know that they would lose their friends and neighbors; anywhere between a quarter to a third of the entire population would die during the next several years under the rule of the Khmer Rouge.

While we were in Siem Reap, I picked up a book called, "Stay Alive, My Son." A man named Pin Yathay shares his story about his experiences during the time of the Khmer Rouge's regime and how he lost 17 members of his family during the genocide. Our first weekend here, we went to Phnom Penh on our day off and visited the Tuol Seng genocide museum. It was a school that was converted into a prison and interrogation/torture facility by the Khmer Rouge. Reading all these different stories and personal accounts of what occurred I couldn't help but be struck by how deceived everyone was - whether they were the ones killing or the ones being killed. Families from the city were politely asked to leave their homes with the promise that they would be able to return in 3 days. Months later, they find themselves starving and overworked, at risk of being bludgeoned to death in the forest if they failed to comply with requests that were very politely made of them by the Khmer Rouge. Even the Khmer Rouge themselves were at risk of being tortured and killed if their comrades were suspicious of their loyalty to the regime. In many accounts, there was no basis for those suspicions and people were brutally tortured, forced to confess to hundreds of crimes when they had not committed a single one.

Decades later, what happened during the Khmer Rouge isn't universal knowledge. Crazier still, men and women responsible for the genocide haven't been brought to justice.

And this deception has taken on a different form...

According to TransformAsia's website, of the 3 different kinds of prostitution in Cambodia, it is those who are controlled bysex traffickers that make up the vast majority of the prostitutes in Cambodia. These are young girls and children that are sold by their families, kidnapped or tricked into coming to the city for a job that turns out to be forced imprisonment and become prisoners in the booming Cambodian sex trade.

We've got one more week here. English and computer lessons are well under way! We can now tell the difference between "this" and "that" and easily type "asdf" and "jkl;" over and over again. :) Not all the babies like us yet but I get a smile every once in a while. At least the other kids will give me hugs (when they're not trying to poke my side to get me to chase them). And the killer geese in the front yard of the guest house haven't gotten us yet. What more can I ask for? :)